Letter #58

Happy Mothers day May 8th 2011

Well this week has been CRAZY!!!! A week of chastening and rebuking... (Darn it, I swear I didn't ask for it) .but overall, it ended in an incredible experience with Holland's Baptism on Saturday the 7th. What an incredible feeling of love and a wonderful blessing of a forever family soon to be. Her dad was actually able to baptize her. It was a blessing. It was a very emotional day for the family and yes....I cried as well. The spirit was so strong. Her dad was asked by Bishop to say a few words after the baptism. And it went a little like this:

“As you can see that was a very emotional thing for me and my family. I appreciate all of your support and I know you all really love us. And if there’s anything I can do for you, give me a call, and I will be there. my son Cain (who is deaf, but has an implant) came up to me after and I had him promise me something "cane, you promise me that you'll baptize all of your kids...promise me".....I couldn't baptize my oldest kids Lexxi and Cain, and I can't tell you how bad that makes me feel knowing how I feel now after baptizing Holland." (The whole family in the front row and my at the piano and their dad speaking are now all crying...all the kids just staring at their father, in I don't know how long has born his testimony.) "I know this church is true, and I have to thank sister Judkins personally....because with out her we wouldn't be here today, (pretty much thanking me for being a pain in the butt ;) ... yes I start blubbering again... the spirit was so strong. there is still a lot of work to do, but ultimately they can do it, all they need is Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and a testimony that yea, craps going to happen, but you HOLD ON TO THAT WHICH IS GOOD.....read the scriptures every. Day, say prayers morning and night, attend church and partake of the sacrament!

Yesterday SUNDAY....I was this close ( ) to not being able to partake of the sacrament, because we got in a car wreck (not bad, all is fine) my comp side swiped another driver (which by the way I took a picture of with just for fun :) but I finally felt something a very dear friend Erica explained to me, she said. "I felt like I needed the sacrament so bad, I needed that cleansing for the rest of the week" I could feel how important it was to her. Yesterday we missed the sacrament, and I felt so devastated, my heart sank, I needed that cleanses so bad, with all my heart I needed to feel that peace of the atonement in my life, after such a trying week. My companion was sad because she said we missed Holland getting the Holy Ghost, when we got there, it ended up that something happened and she wasn't getting it until next Sunday! So we didn't miss it. we were lucky to just barely make it after Gospel principles to the sacrament right after ours, and step in late for RS....my heart was filled with peace when the bread and water was passed to me, and I was able to LET GO all of the stuff that happened through out the week, and hold on to the good.

I know that the sacrament is so important to us. Father in Heaven loves us; he knows we need extra help each week. we get to have that extra help as we attend our meetings and sincerely partake of the sacrament to renew our covenants made with God at Baptism!!! WOW! huge lesson for me!

Gary is getting baptized May 10th, I'm so excited because Gary has been like a brother to me, and it's exciting to watch him and the families he's been around grow and strengthen, another testimony that Miracles DO occur still. I'm supposed to speak at it, I hope that I can express what the spirit speak, and what it is that I feel.

It's been weird, my heart is so full, and I feel so blessed...really....I am....but this has been progressive, because if you would have asked me 48 hours ago I wouldn't have said I feel so "blessed" the Lord Loveth those that he chastens, well I sure feel chastened that's for sure.... you know it's funny because today I was thinking "wait, I thought all of my refining was done." I didn't feel that another would be a comm'n round the corner!!! I guess that means I haven't received the tittle of "perfect angel" yet...soon, I'm working on it. but for know when chastening comes, I guess I have to realize that Heavenly Father is (as hard as it is to watch me struggle and hurt) refining me, shaping me, I can almost here him say "I'm not done with you yet Sister Judkins"...it at those moments when I have a choice, "Do I really trust Him?"

I bear my testimony that I know that the only way to true happiness is to trust in God with all our heart, might mind and strength.....that's 100% of me.... I have never realized that before, what a blessing to feel the saviors love when we need it most. we feel that hand on our chest saying just as mom did to my brother Joe laying on that field 2 days ago, struggling for breath..."Joe....it's OK...I'm here".....I'm so thankful for my mother and her trials she has fought through, I love you mom with all my heart, I love knowing that you are a women I want to strive to become for like. thank you for being so patient with me and lifting me up and helping me believe that nothing can hold me back in doing what I am set out to do! you have been an inspiration to me as I remember what you taught me I use it here on my mission all the time. I love you mom!

I am so grateful for all the women and mothers that have taken me in as one of their own (practically) ;) and showed me such love and concern as I have been on my mission and away from home. I love you with all my heart and express my sincerest gratitude and heartfelt appreciation when I say happy mothers day and thank you. and we will stay in contact. yes...I will send wedding announcements...;)

I love you all
from here to Heaven

-the One and Only----Sister Judkins :D (thank goodness there's only one) yeah yeah I know ya'll were think'n that! ;)