Letter #34

Family and dear friends,

Thank you for your support and love and letters and e-mails and concern. My heart is full when I think of the love my heavenly father has for me to send such incredible people in my life. Thank you!

I've learned that on my mission over and over. That a broken heart is real, and when your heart is broken...let it break and cleave to the Lord to help you heal. But I was told to come home from my mission with a broken heart...."let it break!" One night I was told as I let the tears roll down on behalf of lost investigators that knew the truth but would not change, and hurt children of God painfully trying to repent and come back to feel the overwhelming love of the savior in their lives and beginning to believe that they deserve that love. With each tear, I felt the pains and sorrows and excitements and anxiousness of those of our Heavenly Father’s children that I have the privilege of serving and in every way that I can, to show them the light that truly brings us warmth and comfort and invite the holy ghost, so they through the holy ghost can be taught and truly converted.

This week has been the hardest of my mission, my heart has broken over and over again....I'm learning to "let it break"...the savior's heart breaks every day for us that feel hurt or lost or overwhelmed. He knows how to heal the broken hearted. Infact he asks us to have a broken heart and contrite spirit. Never in my life have I truly known what that meant until now. Now I have just a little taste of what a broken heart truly feels like.

1st I will start with Hakyu Lee. He didn't pass his 1st interview for his baptism. The baptism was planned and people were upset trying to make it work. Then I find out he has to be interviewed by President Hansen who is 1 1/2 hours away and Hakyu is leaving for Korea in less then 24 hours. You can imagine my stress. I called and scheduled and talked to President and 1st miracle he was coming up for stake conference and would be there that night. Hakyu had an important meeting till 9pm....I called president and he said if he's there right at 9, he'll interview him. Somehow Hakyu got there, you see he walks because he doesn't have a car, and he got there and when he arrived I saw his heart and his want for this baptism to go through, and all though he cannot express his feeling in English very well, my heart was for an instant connected with his. I could feel his broken heart knowing that his baptism was canceled that morning and he was so close to losing the chance. When he walked out of the interview as I waited with Sister Hansen anxiously waiting, I saw the broken heart....President turned to me who is now extremely worried. handed me the baptism record and said "looks like you have a baptism to plan tomorrow".....My heart leaped, my hand clasped his and ran to Hakyu, his heart still broken to think how close he was to not being able to get baptized. I shook his hand and asked "how do you feel" pointing to my heart...."his face solemn, his hand went to his heart and he nodded his head...."good"...in his broken English, he said.

I frantically started running everywhere to get all my signatures....2nd miracle everyone that I needed signatures from was there at the church where the interview took place. Bishop, President, and Hakyu Lee. I made phone calls and asked Brother Sharp to get up at 8am in the morning and fill the font. His baptism needs to be at 9 am....(It was 9:48 pm when that was said) ok I said "10 hours till the dunking" I can do that....3rd miracle....IT HAPPENED....and was the most beautiful baptism I've seen yet. We had stake conference at 10 so the baptism was quick and to the point. songs, music, bishop said some words, baptism (in Korean, so incredible to hear and feel the same spirit.) waited with music, Bro Johnson (our ward mission leader said some words) gift of the holy ghost in Korean. and then final song and prayer and it were done…. INCREDIBLE. President Hansen and Sister Hansen also came to the baptism and mentioned it in stake conference...it was wonderful and all the stress and broken heartedness I had felt all week were washed away when Hakyu was lifted out of the water and tears filled his eyes....I said "this is why my heart was broken, this is why we do this God given work".....

It's incredible how the lord makes us who we are because he needs us and our individual talents to further his kingdom, and as we progress working for him he wants to spoil us! He wants to give us all that he has, just like any dad whose child is obedient. If we love God we keep his commandments. If we Love.....wow! .....how much I've learned and continue to learn through Heavenly Father and his children. the gospel is true, I can't say it enough. It heals hearts, it mends wounds, it STRENGHTENS HOMES AND FAMILIES! it makes us HAPPY!

I know my savior lives, and his heart breaks for us each time ours does, he cries with each mother and father that kneel at their bed hands clasped tight praying for their lost lambs. I can imagine our Heavenly parents do that every night for us (their lost lambs at times) are we all not beggars? I know I am far from perfect, far from the best I can be, but I KNOW that through the Power of God and his son's atoning sacrifice that we as children of God can someday be perfect to live as families in heaven with our heavenly parents and families. the spirit whispers truths to us everyday of our potential....but how many of us are too busy to listen? .... My prayer is that when the spirit speaks we listen and follow and even if it breaks our hearts....yes....let it break....that is a promise I intend on keeping my dear family and friends that when I walk on that plane and am coming back home to .... let it break....Oh how I love each of you with all my heart and our savior, for I know he is with me because I can feel him. I know these things are true, and I say them with all of me in Jesus' name, Amen.

love you from here to Heaven
- Sister Judkins

P.S.

1. Jackie is getting baptized Nov 27 Saturday in Austin, she's excited and doing well. She is incredible and will do much good.

2. Hao and yao are amazing we met with them Saturday with an incredible member: Jessica Beahling who served her mission in China and speaks and connects with them very well! they also came to church the 4th time and said they decided that they BOTH want to get baptized together, Dec 25th! CHRISTMAS DAY!!! Jessica said "well some people might not be able to come" they said that's ok, we know we want to do that because our wedding anniversary is Dec 25th and we feel that is right and are excited for it." I'm ecstatic for them and to see them learn and grow more as we continue teaching!

3. Amy Wolfgang we met with and we didn't have a member with us....she needs one with out a doubt, I feel strongly with her, there is something very special and I know that the adversary is going to work incredibly hard on her!!! and me! I have felt it this week!

I know that miracles are right around the corner, it's only hard when you don't have a map to tell you exactly where and what to do! But I KNOW MIRACLES and OPPOSITION and then more MIRALCES are coming. I can feel it with every inch of me....I don't know what's going to happen, but God does and that's good enough for me. I'll do what HE asks!!! I trust him with all of my broken heart, for my heart truly has been broken over and over...what a blessing.

-Sister Judkins